I never was a clever one

Well no one can accuse me of being a genius. You need proof? Well current outdoor conditions are 93 degrees. Indoor conditions are around 77-78 degrees with the a/c set at around 73-74. Our a/c is in need of a little Freon that we are waiting on from the maintenance staff. So, how is this relevant?

I decided today would be a perfect day to roast a 20 lb. turkey in my oven. Go on, say it. I know you're thinking it.

WTF?!

Yeah, that'd be my thought too. However, about 4-5 days ago Himself came home with a 20 lb. turkey that he said he got on sale for 10 dollars. I'm assuming this is a really good price as I'm not familiar with the going rate of traditional Thanksgiving poultry, but 20 pounds of meat for 10 bucks seems like a real deal to me. I don't know if you know but, I've never actually *cooked* a turkey in my life. I've baked pre-cooked turkeys (turkies? turkey's?) and felt the swell of pride and accomplishment when they pop out of the oven all nice and golden brown. I never actually needed cold, puckered turkey skin complete with giblet sac and neck yanking to make me feel like I'd 'cooked' the bird. I was a-ok without all that.

So when the manthing brought home this turkey, I was a little intimidated. For about a second. How hard can it be to cook a turkey? I let it defrost in the fridge and took it out and looked over the packaging. It had directions! And it even has a 'ready button' that pops up when the turkey is done. I could totally do this! I followed the preparation steps to the letter until we got to the second to the last step.

"Remove neck from the turkey cavity."

I pulled, tugged, pushed, twisted, grunted, growled and cursed and still the neck would not come out. I finally sent for reinforcements and called Himself in to help me. He repeated my approach. Still the neck would not come out of the bird. I wanted to remind the Turkey who I affectionately named, "Bastard Bird" that he was dead and was no longer in need of his neck. In fact, half his neck was already gone and he should just move into the light and let me handle the rest. He wouldn't listen. I guess it is kind of difficult to listen without a head.

So, I finally tried to be creative and I reached up through the other side of the bird and pulled the neck out easy as butter. Himself and I laughed considering that move took a Nano second to complete when we had just spent a good 10 minutes at the other end. Who knew you had to pull a Turkey's neck out through his ass?

Needless to say, the Turkey did make it into the oven, and we are *all* nicely roasting in here. So much for the brains my mama gave me.