I've updated The Wee People with just a few pictures. After I went through the graduation pictures for the Kidlet at his school, I realized there really weren't hardly any that came out.
I have more of the Hunk and Sean that need posting but I'm tired and haven't been to bed so I'm going to call it a night. I hate how exaughsting reformatting or starting from scratch can be when you have to install everything back on again. I got a new hard drive for my birthday... not this passed birthday mind you but the one before this last one. At any rate, that is in and the motherboard/processor combo that I got a few months ago is finally working as well. Yay! I finally have room again. Of course, I'm so paranoid of using it all up again. Oi.
Until later gang...
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
He got the job!
Just wanted to let all of you know that the Hunk got the new job he wanted!! Woohoo! This means a little more money (which is gone when we take over our car payments from his mom), an end of the year bonus with a potential for a 5% raise if he gets a good review at the end of the year.
We are both really excited about this as this means he can finally get out of the current job he is in. Only drawbacks are that he will be working nights and I hate being left alone at night, and we won't have health insurance for 90 days. Other than that, he's very excited to be starting something new.
He's going to be a front-line supervisor for a warehouse. It's different but he's so smart, I'll know that he'll adapt quickly.
Just wanted to update you guys on the good news!
We are both really excited about this as this means he can finally get out of the current job he is in. Only drawbacks are that he will be working nights and I hate being left alone at night, and we won't have health insurance for 90 days. Other than that, he's very excited to be starting something new.
He's going to be a front-line supervisor for a warehouse. It's different but he's so smart, I'll know that he'll adapt quickly.
Just wanted to update you guys on the good news!
Saturday, May 28, 2005
New Layout
So I've changed the layout. I thought I wanted something fun and cute and girly but apparantly I didn't because I was still out there looking through layouts. I know that I haven't found the layout if I'm still browsing continually after I've spent hours fixing code of a template I've already picked.
I think this one is going to suit me quite nicely for a while. It's simple and organized and that is what I want. Also, the text area is wide enough to really get my pictures in. Not that I just have any to post on this site. I have tons to post on the boys' site though. I need to do that.
I actually do have something to post though. Not about anything going on here. I pretty much got that off my chest yesterday, but about a site I was introduced to that has what is called, "Movies in 15 minutes". It is this woman named Cleolinda who watches a movie and then writes a parody of it. It is hillarious. Now I don't know if it was funny because I had already seen the movie, or if I would of thought that it was funny anyway.
The first 15 minute movie I read was Phantom of the Opera. I don't know if it is just because I had watched the movie the night before, but it made me laugh like crazy. I tried to post and excerpt of it here, but for some reason it just kept making all these weird symbols wherever there was an apostrophe so if you want to read it you'll have to go to the website. If you want to read the full version of Phantom of the Opera click here.
She also has parodies for King Arthur, Troy, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, and Hannibal. There are a few more I believe and will link them at a later time. You can find Cleolinda's blog here.
It is now 6 a.m. and the Hunk is showering for work. I think I might join him and then curl up in my bed for 3-4 hours before the boys wake up.
I think this one is going to suit me quite nicely for a while. It's simple and organized and that is what I want. Also, the text area is wide enough to really get my pictures in. Not that I just have any to post on this site. I have tons to post on the boys' site though. I need to do that.
I actually do have something to post though. Not about anything going on here. I pretty much got that off my chest yesterday, but about a site I was introduced to that has what is called, "Movies in 15 minutes". It is this woman named Cleolinda who watches a movie and then writes a parody of it. It is hillarious. Now I don't know if it was funny because I had already seen the movie, or if I would of thought that it was funny anyway.
The first 15 minute movie I read was Phantom of the Opera. I don't know if it is just because I had watched the movie the night before, but it made me laugh like crazy. I tried to post and excerpt of it here, but for some reason it just kept making all these weird symbols wherever there was an apostrophe so if you want to read it you'll have to go to the website. If you want to read the full version of Phantom of the Opera click here.
She also has parodies for King Arthur, Troy, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, and Hannibal. There are a few more I believe and will link them at a later time. You can find Cleolinda's blog here.
It is now 6 a.m. and the Hunk is showering for work. I think I might join him and then curl up in my bed for 3-4 hours before the boys wake up.
Thursday, May 26, 2005
A start? God I hope so.
Well last night I took the first steps towards weightloss again for the first time since October I believe. I hope it is a start. I joined a similar version of eDiets but with Denise Austin. I'm pretty familiar with her and it cost the same amount and I got one step further of customized fitness routines.
The Hunk and I had a two hour discussion on my weight, my issues and his thoughts and feelings about the entire thing. I hadn't slept all night long so needless to say I was a bit raw and emotional. Thank goodness he was very understanding, loving, and honest. The best thing about the entire conversation is that he said my weight will never keep him from loving me. I believe him too. At least I know in my head he isn't lying to me.
I have had so many thoughts about weight that I should of had a pad of paper and a pen in there with me. I know the entry could go on forever. I've had so many thoughts. Mainly, since seeing a show on Oprah where she had this set of twins, one being 120 lbs. and the other 420 lbs. I can't stop thinking about weightloss.
The overweight woman's 13 year old son was on there talking about his mother's weight and how it affects him. It was a smack in the face to me. I have always felt so bad knowing that my weight can/will affect the Kidlet. I've been so worried about his friends teasing him because he has a fat mom. How vain I was. VAIN. For me, the horrible reality of being overweight is being ugly. I feel ugly. I look ugly. Naturally I put that off on the Kidlet that he too would only see my weight as making me ugly and an embarrassment to him around his friends. It never occured to me that he could grow up and really be afraid for my health and my life. That he could silently pray his mom doesn't die. That he, more than myself, could realize the mortality aspect of being obese. That isn't my reality of being fat. My reality is that I can't fit into cute clothes and my face has a double chin and that I think I look like a big and worry about what other people think I look like. His possible reality is growing up to not have his mother share his life.
That 13 year old boy only wanted his mom to lose the weight to live. Not because he wanted a "hot" mom. He cried on the show and I just saw the Kidlet's face 7 years from now. It hit horribly close to home and was so real that I have been afraid to think about it and unable to do anything but think about it.
Also, something Oprah said on that show... something to the effect of being overweight is just an excuse not to live your life. You stand on the sidelines and watch it go by. It doesn't require you to engage in people, events, activities or anything. That seemed to feel true of me. No one expects or requires anything of me. Even myself. I don't have to play physical games with the kids because I'm physically unable. I can sit in the middle of the floor and let them play around me but I'm not really engaged in wanting to take them to the park and run around chasing a ball or anything. I can laugh and joke that my toddler keeps me on my toes but in reality, not really. Sure I may have to chase him a little bit to keep him out of things, and I may have to pick him up pretty regularly but.... it's nothing that I would say I'm getting any sort of phsyical benefit from because I'm still gaining weight.
I was talking to the Hunk and trying to figure out what in my past (or even currently) is keeping me fat. You don't get to be 300 lbs (not an actual number but darn near close) by only being lazy. It isn't just what you are eating either. It is what is eating you. I told him I didn't get to be this weight (twice even) just because I'm unmotivated. Something is keeping me this way and I need to fix it. I have a pretty good idea of all the issues I have from childhood and now but I don't know how to move past them. I don't know how to deal with the feelings I have regarding it all. He seems to think that I'm just trying to dig into my past to find more excuses not to just start doing what I need to do. That sounds rather harsh but he was really quite understanding (as understanding as someone who has never had to deal with weight all thier life can be) about it. I told him I wasn't trying to find excuses but, I lost 60 lbs. already and I have not kept it off.
I told him I believed that as sick as it sounds, I think I'm punishing myself for gaining the weight back by staying fat. Maybe somewhere I don't feel I deserve to have it off because I couldn't be good enough to keep it off. Even when I had lost the weight I always felt like such a fraud because I ate horribly, I just ate a lot less. I always felt like I shouldn't be losing because I wasn't doing everything right. Maybe I gained the weight back because I never felt like I should of lost it in the first place. I mean you can't 'fraud' yourself into losing 60 lbs. That's real and an accomplishment but I just didn't feel that way at the time. I'm sure there was more to that feeling than just not doing everything right but at the time that is what I focused on.
I told him that this should be the easy part. The second time around should be the easy part because I know I can be successful. I know that I can lose 60 lbs because I've done it before. I know that it will take hard work but that the hard work will payoff. I know that nothing bad can come from exercising. When I went to say, "...and I know that I will feel good about myself..." I choked and lost it. I couldn't even get the words out. I choked on them. I started crying my eyes out. It felt like a revelation in that I don't want to feel good about myself. Not in that poor me, I'm so horrible way but in that I finally admitted to myself that I honestly believe I don't deserve to feel good about myself way. I have always thought I deserved to be happy. I mean I'm like anyone else. We all deserve to be happy. Yet here I am, unable to say that I should even feel good about myself.
I don't know what to do with that. I don't know how to change that, turn off the internal dialogue that got by some pivitol people in my life and that I have continued on for them. I keep thinking that I need to see a counselor but unfortunately insurance will not pay for it which kind of leads me to I guess the secondary piece of news (after all that weight talk) of what is going on around here. The Hunk probably (if offered the right salary), hopefully has the new job. He had a great interview and the guy said he really wants him to be apart of his team. He's given him his recommendation to a second guy he needs to interview with on Monday. Things look hopefull so please keep your fingers crossed.
The Kidlet had his last day of school yesterday and on Tuesday they had this little awards ceremony. I have pictures of that and of the Wee One helping Daddy under Mama's desk that I need to post on their site as well. Hopefully I'll get to that sometime today.
The Hunk and I had a two hour discussion on my weight, my issues and his thoughts and feelings about the entire thing. I hadn't slept all night long so needless to say I was a bit raw and emotional. Thank goodness he was very understanding, loving, and honest. The best thing about the entire conversation is that he said my weight will never keep him from loving me. I believe him too. At least I know in my head he isn't lying to me.
I have had so many thoughts about weight that I should of had a pad of paper and a pen in there with me. I know the entry could go on forever. I've had so many thoughts. Mainly, since seeing a show on Oprah where she had this set of twins, one being 120 lbs. and the other 420 lbs. I can't stop thinking about weightloss.
The overweight woman's 13 year old son was on there talking about his mother's weight and how it affects him. It was a smack in the face to me. I have always felt so bad knowing that my weight can/will affect the Kidlet. I've been so worried about his friends teasing him because he has a fat mom. How vain I was. VAIN. For me, the horrible reality of being overweight is being ugly. I feel ugly. I look ugly. Naturally I put that off on the Kidlet that he too would only see my weight as making me ugly and an embarrassment to him around his friends. It never occured to me that he could grow up and really be afraid for my health and my life. That he could silently pray his mom doesn't die. That he, more than myself, could realize the mortality aspect of being obese. That isn't my reality of being fat. My reality is that I can't fit into cute clothes and my face has a double chin and that I think I look like a big and worry about what other people think I look like. His possible reality is growing up to not have his mother share his life.
That 13 year old boy only wanted his mom to lose the weight to live. Not because he wanted a "hot" mom. He cried on the show and I just saw the Kidlet's face 7 years from now. It hit horribly close to home and was so real that I have been afraid to think about it and unable to do anything but think about it.
Also, something Oprah said on that show... something to the effect of being overweight is just an excuse not to live your life. You stand on the sidelines and watch it go by. It doesn't require you to engage in people, events, activities or anything. That seemed to feel true of me. No one expects or requires anything of me. Even myself. I don't have to play physical games with the kids because I'm physically unable. I can sit in the middle of the floor and let them play around me but I'm not really engaged in wanting to take them to the park and run around chasing a ball or anything. I can laugh and joke that my toddler keeps me on my toes but in reality, not really. Sure I may have to chase him a little bit to keep him out of things, and I may have to pick him up pretty regularly but.... it's nothing that I would say I'm getting any sort of phsyical benefit from because I'm still gaining weight.
I was talking to the Hunk and trying to figure out what in my past (or even currently) is keeping me fat. You don't get to be 300 lbs (not an actual number but darn near close) by only being lazy. It isn't just what you are eating either. It is what is eating you. I told him I didn't get to be this weight (twice even) just because I'm unmotivated. Something is keeping me this way and I need to fix it. I have a pretty good idea of all the issues I have from childhood and now but I don't know how to move past them. I don't know how to deal with the feelings I have regarding it all. He seems to think that I'm just trying to dig into my past to find more excuses not to just start doing what I need to do. That sounds rather harsh but he was really quite understanding (as understanding as someone who has never had to deal with weight all thier life can be) about it. I told him I wasn't trying to find excuses but, I lost 60 lbs. already and I have not kept it off.
I told him I believed that as sick as it sounds, I think I'm punishing myself for gaining the weight back by staying fat. Maybe somewhere I don't feel I deserve to have it off because I couldn't be good enough to keep it off. Even when I had lost the weight I always felt like such a fraud because I ate horribly, I just ate a lot less. I always felt like I shouldn't be losing because I wasn't doing everything right. Maybe I gained the weight back because I never felt like I should of lost it in the first place. I mean you can't 'fraud' yourself into losing 60 lbs. That's real and an accomplishment but I just didn't feel that way at the time. I'm sure there was more to that feeling than just not doing everything right but at the time that is what I focused on.
I told him that this should be the easy part. The second time around should be the easy part because I know I can be successful. I know that I can lose 60 lbs because I've done it before. I know that it will take hard work but that the hard work will payoff. I know that nothing bad can come from exercising. When I went to say, "...and I know that I will feel good about myself..." I choked and lost it. I couldn't even get the words out. I choked on them. I started crying my eyes out. It felt like a revelation in that I don't want to feel good about myself. Not in that poor me, I'm so horrible way but in that I finally admitted to myself that I honestly believe I don't deserve to feel good about myself way. I have always thought I deserved to be happy. I mean I'm like anyone else. We all deserve to be happy. Yet here I am, unable to say that I should even feel good about myself.
I don't know what to do with that. I don't know how to change that, turn off the internal dialogue that got by some pivitol people in my life and that I have continued on for them. I keep thinking that I need to see a counselor but unfortunately insurance will not pay for it which kind of leads me to I guess the secondary piece of news (after all that weight talk) of what is going on around here. The Hunk probably (if offered the right salary), hopefully has the new job. He had a great interview and the guy said he really wants him to be apart of his team. He's given him his recommendation to a second guy he needs to interview with on Monday. Things look hopefull so please keep your fingers crossed.
The Kidlet had his last day of school yesterday and on Tuesday they had this little awards ceremony. I have pictures of that and of the Wee One helping Daddy under Mama's desk that I need to post on their site as well. Hopefully I'll get to that sometime today.
Sunday, May 22, 2005
Yes, it has been this long
I can't believe how long it has been since I have posted either. Time just keeps going by so fast and before I know it, an entire month has passed.
Right now I'm at my sister-in-law's house. I spent the night with the boys here while the Hunk went shooting with the brother-in-law. He'll be back this afternoon to pick us up. The bed that I slept in last night was probably one of the most comfortable beds I have ever slept in. It was only a full size but that was just perfect for just me and it was soft enough to be comfortable and firm enough to give support. I loved it. I wish I could take it home with me!
I'm pretty much recovered from the surgery. My scar itches a lot but other than that there is no real pain or discomfort. The boys (and I'm probably jinxing myself here) are NOT sick at the moment. Although the Kidlet did have a fever earlier in the week and missed some school.
He's finishing his first year of Kindergarten on Wednesday. Can you believe that an entire school year has gone by? I can't. Man, what a year it has been too. We've decided to hold him back one more year. Not because academically he's not up to par, he's in the top 10% of his class, but because maturity wise he could use another year and practice how to get along with the other kids. Also, his stamina and attention span are minimal and his teacher told us that the work load triples in first grade. We just don't feel he is ready for that yet. This too will also put him on track with the other kids in his classes throughout the years. Since he started school so young, if he were to go into first grade now, but the time he got into high school, there would be things like all his friends getting to drive and him having to wait another year. So.... overall we feel this is best for him. He started when he was 4 (turned 5 a few weeks later) so he was pretty young. He's the youngest in the class.
I can't really think of any more to say. The only other thing going on around here is that we are going to be taking a vacation from June 3-10 to New Mexico to visit my family. I can't say as I'm looking forward to the trip because of all the weight I have gained. I'm also not looking forward to traveling with 2 children. I think we are probably going to have to drive through the night while they are sleeping. There is also something going on with our car right now that the air conditioner vents are smoking. I hope that we can get it fixed in time before the trip because.... I'm not going with smelling that for 10-12 hours.
Oh I guess another big thing going on is that the Hunk has a job interview on Monday with another company. He is thinking of trying to get out of the business that he is in right now and try something different. It pays about 8k more a year, so keep your fingers crossed that he gets this new job. I think he's finally excited thinking about working somewhere else. He's been with his current job for 13 years and understadably it is very scary switching careers. Especially when he didn't think at 39 years old this is what he'd be doing. However, sometimes you just have to realize when it is time to leave and not stay just because there is a comfort level (and he isn't even that comfortable!) there.
So here's hoping!
Right now I'm at my sister-in-law's house. I spent the night with the boys here while the Hunk went shooting with the brother-in-law. He'll be back this afternoon to pick us up. The bed that I slept in last night was probably one of the most comfortable beds I have ever slept in. It was only a full size but that was just perfect for just me and it was soft enough to be comfortable and firm enough to give support. I loved it. I wish I could take it home with me!
I'm pretty much recovered from the surgery. My scar itches a lot but other than that there is no real pain or discomfort. The boys (and I'm probably jinxing myself here) are NOT sick at the moment. Although the Kidlet did have a fever earlier in the week and missed some school.
He's finishing his first year of Kindergarten on Wednesday. Can you believe that an entire school year has gone by? I can't. Man, what a year it has been too. We've decided to hold him back one more year. Not because academically he's not up to par, he's in the top 10% of his class, but because maturity wise he could use another year and practice how to get along with the other kids. Also, his stamina and attention span are minimal and his teacher told us that the work load triples in first grade. We just don't feel he is ready for that yet. This too will also put him on track with the other kids in his classes throughout the years. Since he started school so young, if he were to go into first grade now, but the time he got into high school, there would be things like all his friends getting to drive and him having to wait another year. So.... overall we feel this is best for him. He started when he was 4 (turned 5 a few weeks later) so he was pretty young. He's the youngest in the class.
I can't really think of any more to say. The only other thing going on around here is that we are going to be taking a vacation from June 3-10 to New Mexico to visit my family. I can't say as I'm looking forward to the trip because of all the weight I have gained. I'm also not looking forward to traveling with 2 children. I think we are probably going to have to drive through the night while they are sleeping. There is also something going on with our car right now that the air conditioner vents are smoking. I hope that we can get it fixed in time before the trip because.... I'm not going with smelling that for 10-12 hours.
Oh I guess another big thing going on is that the Hunk has a job interview on Monday with another company. He is thinking of trying to get out of the business that he is in right now and try something different. It pays about 8k more a year, so keep your fingers crossed that he gets this new job. I think he's finally excited thinking about working somewhere else. He's been with his current job for 13 years and understadably it is very scary switching careers. Especially when he didn't think at 39 years old this is what he'd be doing. However, sometimes you just have to realize when it is time to leave and not stay just because there is a comfort level (and he isn't even that comfortable!) there.
So here's hoping!
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