Dear J,

I can't believe that we have finally met face to face. After 13 months, I looked directly into your eyes and saw your bright and beautiful smile. I was in your arms, and your lips were on mine. How I miss you.

I never thought that our friendship would come to this. Who could see me falling for you? Maybe if I had known, I would have ran screaming the other way. It's what I should have done but I couldn't know then just how much you would come to mean to me.

Maybe I should still run, and make sure that I pick the safer choice. Maybe... so many maybe questions hanging in my mind. Am I making a mistake? Could we have a future? Are you going to be stable? Passion always fades, so really, how important is it in the long run? 

It's not just passion I feel for you. It's everything. It's wanting to be there for you. Wanting to be that light you once called me at the end of your dark tunnel. I want to show you how much I can love you and in return be loved by you. You are so easy to love even if the circumstances are harder than anything I could have imagined. Somehow though, my heart tells me that you are worth it.

I've made so many mistakes and I don't want to make any more. I'm scared of all the mistakes I have made. I hope you aren't another one. I have eternal hope that things will work out the way they are meant to work out and that it means some sort of future with you.

I love you endlessly and I may be a fool for doing so but let me be a fool then. I miss you. I miss your kisses, your hugs, your beautiful brown eyes looking at me.

Until we can be together again, you are always in my thoughts.

Your Jenny

Dear J,

I heard from your Mom today and my heart skipped a beat. Somehow talking to her brings me closer to you. Do you know that? I couldn't help myself from asking her how you were doing. I knew I shouldn't have. I should have left you out of our conversation but how can I not be curious how you are? I miss you and you are on my mind constantly.

I wish I could purge you from my system. I wish I didn't love you. I wish I could feel the way that you do. You know the whole "I'm okay without you but yeah we're friends". I just can't do it.

J, it's not over for me. How pathetic is that? How pathetic that talking to your Mom makes me hopeful that I'll hear from you soon? I love you and I don't know when I will stop. I need to stop.

You brought me such joy. Like no other man. I thank you for that. I'm grateful for showing me myself through your eyes. I realize now that I need to look at myself in that same way. To see the amazing, sexy, gorgeous woman that you saw. You changed your mind about us, but I never changed being me. I am still that girl. I need to know it without you to show it to me.

I don't know what I miss most about you. Your voice, the letters, the sweet way you had with me. Maybe all of the above. It's not over for me. It's just not over.

I miss you. I love you. I'll always be your Jenny.