I argued with myself until 3:30 in the morning. I just could not make myself do it. I told myself all the wonderful little motivational things that you say to yourself such as:
"You'll feel better when you're finished."
"You ate soo much today, you really need to work out."
"If you don't do it tonight, it won't get any easier tomorrow."
"You'll feel thinner once your workout is finished."
"You won't feel guilty and then you won't eat out of guilt."
"You won't feel like a fat pig like you are feeling right now."
"You'll have something to journal about."
Needless to say, the battle to exercise or not to exercise won in favor of exercising. And you know what? All the above is true. I feel better, thinner, less like a piggy (only a smidge though, more on that later) and tomorrow won't be harder, and I have something to journal about!
So the last two days I have been ravenous and pretty much have been eating everything in sight. I ordered pizza yesterday. No I did not get the thin crust but I didn't get the deep dish either and I ordered it with just plain cheese. I ate 3 pieces out of a medium pizza and the rest is still in the fridge today. Sounds like a victory doesn't it? Considering at one time I could eat a medium pizza. However, that's not how I feel. Pizza was not the only thing I ate that day. I thought I'd order a bag of salad as well, you know to make me full before I ate the pizza, but heck... I just skipped the salad and ate that afterward a few hours later. I used plenty of ranch dressing too. I actually layered my salad. Lettuce, dressing, lettuce, dressing. Then I added all the good stuff like croutons and shredded cheese.
There's something seriously wrong when even rabbit food is fatning for you. I'm the seriously wrong part. I just can't seem to desire wanting to eat less the last two days. I ate chinese today. Oh not the good healthy vegetable stuff. Noooo. I ate the fried rice and the fried sweet and sour chicken and the ribs. All of it, topped off with a fortune cookie. Want to know what my fortune was?
"The view changes only for the leading dog."
Words of wisdom, that is. The thought of looking at dog butts through this journey sort of made me laugh though. Sort of.
So the new job is going well for the Hunk. He likes it. He was given a handbook and told to memorize it at all costs because it was the rules of the union workers he works with. He himself is not union but he works with a lot of employees who are and he needs to learn how to do things the way they are supposed to be done lest someone files a grievance against him. He's working nights and it has been a super adjustment for the entire family. The boys miss him terribly. They see him for about 20 minutes a day Tues-Sat and the Wee One always seems to know when he's leaving. He clings to the Hunk's legs, he chases him to the door, he cries... it breaks both our hearts. The Kidlet on the other hand is more understanding of Daddy leaving, it is the "When is Daddy going to be home?" part that has him not adjusting well.
The Hunk gets home anytime after 5-6 a.m. and the Kidlet wants to stay awake until Daddy gets home because he wants to see him. This just isn't possible. So by the time he wakes up, Daddy's sleeping, Daddy gets up, sees him for 20 minutes before work and the Kidlet is in bed before Daddy gets home. They all miss him so much.
As for me? I miss the man too. Desperately. I'm not sleeping well without him here and I know I never slept well before but this just feels different. I feel I haven't seen him in a long time and that the work week is a very long one. He has 2 days in a row off, which is something he never had before, but it just makes those 5 straight days of working seem to drag on.
We do love the predictablity of his schedule though. Very much. He never ever had that with his previous employer. It's sort of stabalized the family into a routine. And having Sundays and Monday's off aren't shabby either!
My parents are going to Hawaii on Wednesday. Color me jealous. I wish I was going. My father is retired now and they are just traveling fools. Las Vegas, California, now the Island of Hawaii.
You'd think they could make a teeny trip to my state considering it is right next door to theirs huh. Guess not this year. Normally I wouldn't be so bothered but we didn't get our vacation out there last year or this year and I have not seen my family (except my mother) for 3 years now. Maybe next year...
Ok, time to try and head to bed because I'm just dead on my feet these days.
Latah gatah.
1 comment:
good for you for doing your workout!
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