I'm writing to let you know I have no internet, no phone, no cable tv (or any other kind of tv that doesn't include the dvd's I already own) and I have no money.
I possibly might be adding a husband on to that "I don't have" list.
The proverbial rug has been ripped out from under me and my entire family. It's bad. Very bad. Financially ruining, emotionally bankrupting and just... ugh, I can't think of any more things bad enough to say.
You think that you know someone and then you realize that the life you've had for the last year has been nothing but a series of lies, that become painfully aware in a single moment. I should have seen the signs, and I guess I didn't but I didn't want to keep seeing them. Acknowleding the unthinkable would have required me to change my life. I didn't want to change. I wanted to be the way everything was....blissfully ignorant, despite the fact that I was very unhappy. It's easier to be unhappy and unaware than devastated and in full disclosure.
I wish I could go into detail. Believe me, I have no problem dragging my husband through the mud right now but I don't know if his family reads my journal and I know that my own family does. They know what's going on but they still have hope for things. I don't know if I do. I think I do. I said I do but deep down...there's a knife that wants to embed itself very deep into his heart. Then we can be twins.
Pray for me and the boys if you believe in that sort of thing. I don't think I have the strength to do it for myself right now.
(P.S. - After 9 years, I'm now a working Mom. You're looking at the newest team member to the Target family. Can I help you find something?)
6 comments:
Hon, I adore you, you are stronger than you give yourself credit for, I'm so proud you went out and got that job, I know it was scary. I say it so you never forget- You ALWAYS have a place with us if you need it. *hugs* I'm thinking of you and the boys, and even Tommy, hoping he realizes what an ass he is and thanking every god in existence that his wife is staying to work things out. *****hugs****
Hey Jenn. I don't have an email for you or I'd email you myself. I'm SO sorry for what you are going through. I went through something similar last summer and it was rough. Natalie was so very little though so I just stayed with my older sister. My husband did shape up but his problem was lack of work. I don't know what is happening with you but it doesn't sound good. I wish you luck in whatever you decide and I'll be thinking of you. (((HUGS))) If you'd like someone to talk to and vent to, let me know, I'm here. I won't tell you what to do but I know how SO important it can be to have someone just listen and it sounds like you could use a sounding board. Take care hon.
big, big hugs jennah. you're strong, you can make it through. i have a few friends on my other journal going through big time problems in their relationships too, definitely know you're not alone.
I've been reading you for a few years and just wanted to say that I am praying for you and your family. I hope that it all works out for you.
Kate
You know how much I love and admire you, hon. Your strength amazes me and I know that if I were in your position, I'd be Miss Congeniality in the funny farm right about now.
Without you to talk to for a month now (AHHHH!) I've resorted to becoming...employed. Do you see the utter chaos my life is without you??
You already know all this, of course, but I know how you love getting love in your blog, so here's tons of it.
I've been lurking through Sarah's blog for a while and just wanted to let you know that you're in my thoughts. *hugs* This is never an easy thing to go through
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