I've been doing rather well dealing with the death of my Grandma. I think mainly because there's no disruption to my daily life. She lived very far away and so other than knowing she's gone, there are no daily constant reminders that she's not with me anymore.
Then, on occasion, I'm blindingly reminded of the loss of her presence. Where it just hits me like a ton of bricks that yes, in fact, she's gone. I was logged into MSN Msngr. and I clicked on my offline contacts to send someone an email when there I saw it.
Her name.
I realized that it would never pop up as online again. It would never have that little green online man letting me know she's available to talk. She's red. Unreachable. In that moment I was faced with the question to delete her from my contact list but I just couldn't do it. I couldn't let go. I know that she's never going to be online again but permenantly deleting her from my list just felt too much like deleting her from my life.
I don't know what is worse though. Deleting her or always seeing the red, unreachable contact staring at me.
I just don't know.
2 comments:
*hugs*
Oh, I'm sorry sweetie. Big hugs! I can't believe you deserted us over at dland though! I always lose track of people somewhere else, and I don't want to lose you! I miss you already!
Carrie
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