Dear J,

I heard from your Mom today and my heart skipped a beat. Somehow talking to her brings me closer to you. Do you know that? I couldn't help myself from asking her how you were doing. I knew I shouldn't have. I should have left you out of our conversation but how can I not be curious how you are? I miss you and you are on my mind constantly.

I wish I could purge you from my system. I wish I didn't love you. I wish I could feel the way that you do. You know the whole "I'm okay without you but yeah we're friends". I just can't do it.

J, it's not over for me. How pathetic is that? How pathetic that talking to your Mom makes me hopeful that I'll hear from you soon? I love you and I don't know when I will stop. I need to stop.

You brought me such joy. Like no other man. I thank you for that. I'm grateful for showing me myself through your eyes. I realize now that I need to look at myself in that same way. To see the amazing, sexy, gorgeous woman that you saw. You changed your mind about us, but I never changed being me. I am still that girl. I need to know it without you to show it to me.

I don't know what I miss most about you. Your voice, the letters, the sweet way you had with me. Maybe all of the above. It's not over for me. It's just not over.

I miss you. I love you. I'll always be your Jenny.